It's a Wikked World...

Letter to My Ex

thewikkedone — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:40:12 +0000

deep sigh
So my ex shows up at my house talking bout I fucked up when I left him and that he was “the best thing” to EVER happen to me. I giggled.

LET THIS BE A LESSON TO YOU

THE BEST THINGS THAT HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME ARE
FLATIRONS,
UNIVERSITY OF TENNESSEE AT MARTIN,
LOVE,
MY SHOES
BUT CERTAINLY NOT YOU.

THE BEST PEOPLE THAT HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME ARE
MY fam:
JOSEPH, JAY, CATRENA, CRYSTAL, and MY MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER
My AMAZING friends: WHITNEY and BUFFY, GREG, DANIELLE, AND ASHLEY
TO NAME A FEW.
BUT CERTAINLY NOT YOUR BITCH ASS.

ON THE CONTRARY, IT IS YOU THAT HAS LOST A WONDERFUL THING.
BECAUSE OF YOUR LACK OF CONSIDERATION FOR MY FEELINGS, AND
YOUR STUPIDITY IN DENYING RESPONSIBILITY,
YOU LOST WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN YOUR BEST “THING”.
DON’T WORRY, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND IT IN YOUR “SIGNIFICANT OTHER”

I KNOW THAT YOU “STILL LIKE ME”. I AM A VERY LIKABLE PERSON.

I KNOW THAT YOU HATE ME BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT I AM NOT ONE
OF THE MILLIONS OF GIRLS THAT HAS “D-O-O-R-M-A-T” TATTOOED ON
HER FOREHEAD, AND I THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT.

BUT I ASK YOU THIS,
AND I WILL ONLY ASK YOU ONCE.

LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
[treat others how you claim
you "want" to be treated.]

DO NOT THROW THE GUILT TRIPS AT ME.
[i'm a BAPTIST, you'll never be as good as me,]

DO NOT SEND ME THE BITCH ASS TEXT MESSAGES.
[they only make you look worse]

AND KNOW THIS. I MAY HAVE “LOST” SOMEONE. BUT IN TURN, I HAVE
GAINED MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND.
MY SENSE OF SELF, MY GUT INSTINCT, MY TRUE FRIENDS, AND
A FEW MALES WHO DO NOT MIND BEING A PERSONAL EGO BOOST.

HAVE A NICE LIFE.
I SURE KNOW THAT I WILL.

untitled (ode to cocoa)

thewikkedone — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 09:12:15 +0000

when my sister followed my friend
and left me home
you said
that i look a lot like you

when my someone
found another one
you looked at me
and said
it looks like i’ve been used

i’ve been lonely
and i’ve been there
and you’ve just sat here
and said
i’m sorry

when he called
i covered my eyes
–you looked right through
and said
that i had been abused

now i’m sitting here
and now you’re there
still saying sorry
all i do is cry
and run fingers through your hair
and i say,
i’m sorry too

the place.

thewikkedone — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 08:21:27 +0000

inside the heart, love lies
this place… is no secret
a sort of paradise
passion is its mystery.

it has moments, you can enter
taken care of, by precious time.
how you want to touch its center
and to be so sweet and kind.

to come upon the souls so softly
like rain in the morning mist
love is free, but yet so costly
put together, by just one kiss.

Honestly…Please Understand

thewikkedone — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 08:02:31 +0000

I am finally about to be honest with myself,
I am going to be honest with you, as well
I told you I couldn’t do it and I lied
Everything I ever told you was utterly untrue
You see when I said I couldn’t care for you I was speaking from the past
When I told you this wouldn’t work I was fighting against the memories

That day I said you were wasting your time I just needed you to walk away
Because I knew then, just as much as I know now
That if you didn’t leave that I would never be able to catch myself when I fell
And God knows that I was determined to not fall
You know, and I am not so sure that you completely understood me
I told you I was too hurt to try again, maybe another day, just not today

It’s funny when I think back
I attempted to push you away, fight us apart
But you wouldn’t budge
You would not move
If anything you held me closer
Loved me harder

That day you said you missed me, I said you didn’t
It wasn’t that I didn’t believe you, I just didn’t want to tell you the truth
Truth is, I missed you more than I can ever explain
You see, you’ve pulled me into a situation that I can’t escape
It’s too early to say I love you but it is far too late to simply say I like you
Somehow it always seems right to say I care

It sounds so simple, but against my better judgment, I care
When we are together it feels like home
Laughing with you, talking to you, even arguing with you feels right
I see the look in your eyes and I can’t turn back
I am scared but I can’t close my eyes
I want to turn around but you hold me still

I am scared to try but all I can think of is how beautiful you are to me
I close my eyes and you always speak to me
You reassure me, you show me, you hold me
Yet still I am apprehensive
But the truth is
The moment your embrace surrounds me my fear is removed

And everything is okay
And God knows that things haven’t been okay in a long time
And the truth is
I always feel safe with you
When we are apart I miss you
When you are silent I miss your voice
When you move I miss your embrace

When you confide in me I want to protect you
When we argue I can still feel your love
I thought the other day that I am going to miss you when this is over
And that is the truth
I want this to last forever but yesterday taught me that tomorrow always comes
Fairy Tales don’t last always

And Prince Charming always goes his own way
But I will always remember our ‘Happy Ever After’
Even when its over
I remember that day that I tripped and fell
You had said that I deserved someone better than you
You said that your flaws were beneath me

And I couldn’t agree
You faults, your flaws, are my favorite part of you
Those things that you think you should change
Those things that irritate me
Those things that people hate most about you
Are the things that I hold closest to my heart

You asked me the other day did I ever think I could love you
And I responded that I wanted to love you
When this is over, and you’ve found your real Cinderella,
I hope you realize that every look, every touch, every smile
Whispered those three words
I may never say them but my heart says it all the time

Here it is
I put it all on the line
I was honest
And I hope you understand
You make me feel things that I thought I was incapable of feeling
Please understand…



I USED to Love Him.
thewikkedone — Fri, 07 May 2010 06:19:33 +0000
Someone I used to care about had a bad wreck. He decided to text me because he thought he was gonna die, and didn’t wanna leave knowing we were on bad terms. But, he didn’t apologize. Might seem petty to some but I feel like he STILL owes me an apology for the way he allowed some things to transpire between us. *shrug* So…just like that we’re supposed to be buddies again? Eh, I think not! People all upset cuz I called it karma, but that’s what I see. Bad things only

constantly happen to bad people. But I digress. I wish him nothing but good and hope he heals soon!! And *sigh* …nevermind!   Ya’ll nosy!
“You only get blessed with someone like me once in a lifetime” 

         


A lil Meme For Fun! :)
thewikkedone — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 13:27:09 +0000
Unsure what to blog about, but feeling the urge to blog, I have resorted to that time-honored tradition: the meme. Feel free to post your own if you haven’t already. I think we all get a kick out of learning each others’ trivia.
1. Do you like bleu cheese? with my hot wings, yes.

2. Have you ever smoked? 7th grade.

3. Do you own a gun? Heather is terrified of guns.

4. Favorite type of Food? Soul Food

5. Favorite type of music? Neo-soul

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I usually don’t.

7. Favorite Christmas movie? Christmas Story

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? oj

9. Can you do push ups? like 4

10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? my great grandmother’s pearls

11. Favorite hobby? shoe shopping!

12. Do you have A. D. D.? pretty sure….

13. Do you wear glasses/contacts? my blind ass can’t see without em!

14. Middle name? Nicole
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment: 1. I need sleep 2. Jojo’s party is in 2 days 3. I kinda sorta miss that guy…no, the other one  
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink: water, coke, tea

17. Current worry? 40% chance rain sa

18. Current hate right now? I’m unemployed and my last employer pretty much screwed me over.

19. Favorite place to be? my happy place
20. How did you bring in the new year? in the Boro with friends.
21. Someplace you’d like to go? Denver! I miss the mountains
22. Name three people who will complete this. cares? not.
23. Do you own slippers? uh huh! some pink (eww i know) one

24. What color shirt are you wearing? a black one!
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? no. my red satin sheets were almost the death of me!!

26. Can you whistle? I can!
27. Where are you now? Home sweet home.
28. Would you be a pirate? ummmm no
29. What songs do you sing in the shower? annie don’t wear no panties!
30. Favorite Girl’s Name? Heather Nicole  
31. Favorite boy’s name? Joseph
32. What is in your pocket right now? I have none
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Twitterrrr..
34. What vehicle do you drive? *sigh* rest in peace bullet
35. Worst injury you’ve ever had? my accident pretty much messed up my back, shoulders, & neck
36. Do you love where you live? hell no.

37. How many TVs do you have in your house? 5
38. How many computers do you have in your house? 5 (only 2 are mine)
39. If you changed your job, what would it be? I’d actually have a job!
40. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? 1. get all bad music off the radio! 2. find a cure for all incurable diseases 3. hmmm…

         


All Caught Up (nicki’s unedited rant)
thewikkedone — Thu, 29 Apr 2010 02:49:28 +0000
 I’ve been single for a little over a week. *gasp* Yes, after 3 long years of going back and forth with this particular individual, I stopped being blind and finally saw him for what he was, a fucked up person. He had been lying to me about a situation for almost a year. Cheated on me multiple times but I stayed around. I ignored my intuition & the red flags all in the name of love.  I know, I know 3 damn years but I simply got caught up. Never had a “good” relationship before this one so I was determined not to let my daddy issues or the ghosts of boyfriends past get in the way of something good. I wanted us to work so bad that when I would see something that wasn’t right, I’d pretend that it was simply a figment of my imagination. I kept getting caught up in this man over and over and lost myself. I kept convincing myself that he was still a good guy! I let all of my good friends slip away because he didn’t like them. Looking back it wasn’t even worth it!  When I finally woke up, I felt stupid. Everything was right there in my face and I ignored it. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. I’m not quite sure who that person was, but it sure as hell wasn’t Heather Nicole! 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing him because I played an important role in this disaster. True enough he didn’t have to take advantage of the obvious lapse in self judgment but people really only do to you what you allow and well, I did in fact allow this. It’s funny. I had to be out of this dysfunction to notice just how screwed up it really was. And you would be surprised how hard it was to be honest with him and even more, myself. I digress…
But how did it get that far? How do we find ourselves so caught up in other people that we become less of ourselves and more of the other? Why do we sometimes start caring about the people around us and what they want and forget our own wants in needs? How do we allow love to go from something so beautiful to a war zone? How do we get ourselves so caught up? I wish I knew…could have saved myself a week of tears! 

         


My Dearest Tara
thewikkedone — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:34:24 +0000
I knew from the day you sent me that stupid card with your picture sayin we would be living together that you were special (in a diff way at the time) and that more than likely we would be good friends. You were the complete opposite of me yet somehow I managed to befriend your crazy butt and let you in my world. I always imagined us growing up to be old women looking back on these days and laughing at all the dumb things we’ve done! Laughing at everything that happened in McCord hall room 216. I always assumed that we were gonna make 50 million new memories and never thought that such tragedy would happen to either of us so suddenly. But reality has stepped in and showed me otherwise. Now I’m a complete mess. i know that if you could see me, you’d slap the taste out of my mouth for sitting here crying like a baby, but T I can’t help it. You were buried on my 22nd birthday. I’m mourning the loss of one of my closest friends. The most difficult thing for me that day was already knowing that my phone wouldn’t ring with you on the other side singing some stupid song you made up. Already knowing that when I checked my facebook, there would be no comments from you nor would there be a half naked man on my myspace wishing me happy birthday. I kept checking over and over again but no matter how many times I looked, it wasn’t there. I read the obituary in the paper hoping that it didn’t say “Tara Faithe Woodard, age 22″ Every time I closed my eyes I hoped that this reality was really a dream and I’d wake up and you wouldn’t be buried on my birthday. And when nothing changed, I cried. MY life has taken a drastic turn since we spoke last year, and I’m not ready for it.You said you were gonna call me at 11:59 Tuesday night and not a minute later but that never came. And it never will. We have so much more hell to raise and cutting up to do. Call me selfish but I need you here with me. I’ve never had to go thru this kinda loss without you by my side. You meant sooooo much to me and right now I want nothing but to tell you that. I want to tell you how much I appreciated you helping me grow into the woman that I am. I want to tell you that all the birthday cards, halloween candy and valentine’s gifts always kept me smiling. But I can’t. It’s been a whole year and I still can’t figure out how I’m gonna manage without you in my life. Not now…  But I am glad that you knew before you left how important you are to me! I’m glad that our last convo was nothing but laughs and that we told each other that we loved the other. Thanks for always making sure that no matter where things went in our lives, our friendship didn’t go down the drain. You were always so weird (eclectic in your words) but you were nothing but a positive force in my life. You lent me your rose colored glasses so that I could see the world from a different viewpoint and I couldn’t be more grateful for that. You were the salt to my peppa and the strongest root on my tree. Thanks for always making sure that I was never mad or sad when I left your presence. You always had my back when it was against the wall and you’ve seen me in a state that no one else has and you still managed to embrace me. Thanks for the nasty pineapple and ham pizza. It was gross girl, but i knew that you just wanted me to try something new. Our good times are priceless and every moment spent together was AMAZING!! I know I always said that 99% of the things you did were dumb, but they weren’t! I still have every card, gift basket, cup and even the lil thingy off my 19th b-day cake from you!! Thanks for always making sure that I knew that you loved me. Thank you for everything. Even though you’re gone, I’ll never forget you. I know that God needs you now and that he takes nothing but the best. Initially I was mad at Him for taking my angel from me, but I know that he had a better plan for you and



I couldn’t be happier about that. I’m sad now, but one day I’ll be able to laugh at your memories instead of producing enough waterworks to end that drought (hehe). I know you don’t wanna see me this way but right now I can’t help it. I miss you dearly and I can’t wait to see you again!  Love you always



Tara Faithe


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Keep Your Personal Biz Personal
thewikkedone — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:15:15 +0000
I can’t stress it enough. Everyone doesn’t need to know every single little detail of your life. I know Twitter is pretty much a big open status message. I know at the top of your updates it say “What are you doing?” but I don’t think they want you to tell us EVERYTHING you’re doing. No one cares that you just took a shit. Nor do we care that you just gave the best blow job ever. Here and there, that’s cool but all day every day? Come the hell on! It’s annoying! Write in your journal if it’s a MUST for you to share the trivial details of your life every 2 seconds. Thank you.

         


Wikked Betrayal
thewikkedone — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 21:11:14 +0000
One Sunday I decided to log onto my Facebook page from my laptop. I get on my laptop and start deleting messages when I ran into a message to my ex. When I open it I see, “Hi Chris*. My name is Tiffany*, Ashley’s friend…I’d like to get to know you better!” HOLD THE PHONE!! Say What?! I quickly realize that 1. I’m no longer in my account 2. My so called friend has been trying to sleep with my man and 3. I’m ready to whoop SOMEBODY’S ass! The messages went on to say how she wanted to get to know him better and that she thought he was pretty cute, etc. She was practically throwing her pussy through the computer screen. No bitch! You see, he and I started dating in 2007 and this post was dated 2008. There was no coincidence. There was no accident. There was just simply triffliness (yes, i said it) Although they had never physically met, she was well aware of who he was BEFORE she began to e-flirt with my honey. Mind you this happened a year ago. Since then he and I have pretty much parted ways. And the conversation is no longer even relevant at this point. But the fact that one of my friends deliberately tried to steal my man is very much still relevant.
I approached it as such. I no longer care about what happened because obviously her desperate attempts failed. My only issue was addressing the fact that I have an enemy in friend’s clothing. Thank God I avoided confiding in her for the rough patches huh?   Anyways, she DENIED ever trying to get with him. I didn’t care. Just wanted her to know that I knew and understand that the relationship that she and I once had, was over. Bitch. Bye. No trife bitches on team Nicki! Aren’t ya’ll proud of me? I didn’t have to go all ghetto black girl on that biatch!!!!!!!!!
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